Homesick in October

I’m so glad I live in a world where there are October’s.
-L.B. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

October has taken on a new significance for me these last two years. It has been the one month that I have experienced homesickness, or a longing to be somewhere else, more strongly than any other point in my life.

One year ago I experienced tremendous homesickness while living in Spain. During those emotionally tasking days, I would not have recognized it as such, but come Spring time I knew that my darkest time in Europe was the month of October.

Everything made me long for home, but not experiencing Autumn most of all.

It’s funny really how much I missed not experiencing one season out of the year while in Spain. And how the comforts of Autumn grew to be the strongest trigger that would cause me to yearn for home…

For familiarity…

The array of colors adorning the trees. The sound of leaves crunching beneath one’s shoes and rustling in the wind. The smell of Autumn air. The taste of pumpkin. The knowledge that Thanksgiving is just around the corner.

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For those of you who journeyed with me last year through this blog, you may recall my one too many complaints over the lack of pumpkin in Europe. How I wanted nothing more than to breathe in the aroma of a pumpkin pie, or to hold a warm pumpkin spice latte in my hands.

Yet, here I sit. Having consumed one too many pumpkin spice latte’s these last few weeks. Having breathed in that delicious Fall air every morning and night this season.

Yet, the only thing I yearn for now is simply unattainable. That is, a country I learned to call home in only ten short months, but now sits over 4,000 miles away.

Most everything triggers this feeling of sadness in me lately. But most of all, the smells and sights of Autumn. It doesn’t seem right, I think to myself. This Autumn air, these Fall comfort foods showcased everywhere. The only time I experienced anything remotely familiar to this season last year was when I took a short weekend trip to England.

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This pumpkin spice latte… I’ve had too many… shouldn’t it be in little VIA packages, sent from the USA thanks to my mamma and hidden away in the corner of my Spanish bedroom?

This Autumn air leaves me confused… in a daze… thinking thoughts that don’t make any sense. Is it Thanksgiving? Christmas? Am I in England?

To most, I may come across as a crazy person right now. But this is a real thing that I am wrestling with. The longing for some place that is no longer mine to long for. The feelings of confusion because just one year ago, I wanted to feel and experience this very season here in the USA that is quickly passing now…

Solomon’s words are proving to be a comfort to me. And is most appropriate since he discusses a season for everything.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens—” -Ecclesiastes 3:1

And as I continue to learn what it means to be utterly content in this current season in life, I will rejoice knowing that my season in Spain was, and always will be one of the greatest seasons of my life.

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3 responses

  1. how beautiful…I don’t think you are crazy, I think those of us who have lived and fallen in love with other places in the world understand exactly what you are talking about, and trust me I am pretty sure Spain misses you too, I know Iglesia Bautista Fe de Sevilla does, and we pray for you.. sending you lots of great big ((((HUGS))))

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